February 8, 2018, was the day I learned my divorce was final. It is a date I will surely commemorate in my mind for many years to come. Leading up to that day, there were many paper signings and much notarizing. I remember walking with her to the courthouse to notarize our final divorce documents. I don't believe she ever looked at them. She just wanted to get it over with. I have to admit, I did too. This was the beginning of my closure. I made a decision months earlier that no matter what happened with anyone else, I had reached the end of my dealing with Kate. I wanted to be done, and I made a decision to go forward with a divorce regardless. An ominous voice told me I would end up alone. I still did it. No one put a gun to my head. No one told me what to do. No one else influenced my decision. It was mine and mine alone, and I chafe at the notion that anyone else contributed to my final decision. It's nonsense. Having said that, it was diffic...
Without beleaguering the point, my readers know my life has not been a cake walk. It's not something I try to dwell on, but it's unnerving sometimes how difficult it has been. Still, in my darkest moments, I was able to see beauty around me. Something at the heart of me cried out for beauty, and it was always there. The greatest defeater of happiness seems to be comparisons. It's so unfair to ourselves. No one lives the same life, so it's never going to be a fair comparison. Given our innate drive to better ourselves, we, of course, focus on those who have, in our opinion, done better than us. Social media makes this comparison process available 24/7. We can't even hide in the safety of our own homes, deep inside the womb of a hot bubble bath, without unfair comparisons. I know my life will change again, like a constantly evolving landscape, being built up and eroding at the same time. How can I compare my life to anyone's when I can't even sit stil...